


Manners

by Thursday26



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, M/M, No Smut, Really? - Freeform, Steve is protective, Superfamily, Superhusbands, Tumblr Prompt, fic?, wade oh wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-05
Packaged: 2018-07-29 11:40:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7683070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thursday26/pseuds/Thursday26
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So this is a prompt that I couldn't get out of my head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Manners

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I’m terrible at explaining but bare with me. What if Wade was talking to Cap (or Tony. Yes. Super family), and he talks to Cap about this “piece of ass” that he banged last night. Cap somehow pieces together that he’s talking about Peter. Then Caps phone goes off, he knows it’s Peter cause of the ringtone, and it’s behind Wade (for some plot reason lol). Cap asks Wade to get it, Wade sees the picture of Peter and Cap/Tony or both as the contact picture and boom; Wade realizes he just banged the SuperHusbands son and he just bragged about it to one of them. (Super long I know, I might as well have written it myself but I cannot write dialogue to save my life lol)----prompt from spideypool-prompts on tumblr
> 
> i hope this is good... i am half asleep and this is my first attempt at writing spideypool, although no actual sex :(
> 
> also, just let's pretend that peter and wade had a one night stand and wade doesnt really follow celebrity news, so he vaguely knows that tony and steve have a kid, but he really hasnt put any effort into remmebering anything further than that. so, one night stand and let's pretend names were not exchanged, or if they were wade was like "wow, you look kind of familiar, but sex" so yeah

"You have no idea how _hot_ this guy was Steve," Wade gushes, sitting across the kitchen table in Avengers Tower from Captain America. Steve really doesn’t know how the merc got into the tower, but he's too polite to just throw the guy out the front door. "I mean seriously, I am so freakin' lucky that this guy went home with me last night!"

Steve nods, not wanting to say anything to encourage the man to speak anymore. Call him old fashioned, but this trend about bragging about one's sexual exploits is something that Steve really doesn’t understand. If anything, it's rude. "He was so perfect Steve, big, brown eyes, brown hair, fit and oh my _God_ was he flexible! Like I mean _flex_ -i-ble." Wade doesn't notice the look Steve gets on his face. "And he was so cute too! Just this young thing, barely old enough to be at the bar, and inexperienced. Now, I normally like someone who knows their way around, but something about this guy was so absolutely perfect! Maybe because he was so nervous that all he could talk about was sciency stuff that went way over my head. I wasn’t really paying attention because his _mouth_ , god he had a pretty mouth."

It takes a moment for Steve to realize he's holding his breath. This person Wade's talking about sounds familiar, eerily familiar, and he's hoping that he's wrong. "Oh, you should have heard the noises he was making. My little baby boy whining and groaning and begging for more. Jeez, Steve, you have no idea how mind-blowing last night was."

Steve can feel that he's tense, extremely tense. Every muscle in his body is tensed up and he's wondering how strong the glass on the windows are because if he threw Wade at one of them, he'd want the merc to go straight through. It wouldn’t kill him, sure, but it might make Steve feel better. Although, he doesn't even know if Wade is talking about who he thinks he's talking about. "I almost feel bad for you Steven, locked in marriage and probably already dried up, waiting for your husband to finally touch your dick again."

He might just throw Deadpool through the window anyway, and if the glass doesn’t break, he can try again. His and Tony's sex life is just fine, _thankyouverymuch_ , but Wade doesn’t need to know that because it's _private_. Before Steve can open his mouth and properly lecture Wade, the merc continues talking. "And he was insatiable, Steve. Couldn’t get enough of me. We went at it _all night_ , until the sun started coming up." Wade sighs dreamily and then perks up, "Oh, how could I forget? He has these cute glasses, very nerd-chic and he's definitely got a sexy librarian thing going on. He broke them though, in his haste to get on this." Wade gestures to himself, mostly his lap, and Steve has to start counting in his head. He doesn’t know what he's counting to, just counting until he's not thinking about ripping Deadpool's head off his shoulders with his bare hands.

The counting isn't working though, but Wade is saved for a few more minutes by Steve's cell phone ringing. He knows that ring tone, so he clears his throat and asks, deceptively calm, "Can you get that for me?"

"Sure thing," Wade responds, spinning around. Steve left his phone on the counter for some reason, but at least Wade will be able to see the contact photo on the phone so he knows why he's dying today. That healing factor really has dulled Wade's survival instincts though, because he is absolutely oblivious to the rage emanating from Steve's tense form. Although, it's entirely possible that Wade is misinterpreting his rage for jealousy.

It's almost comical when Wade does a double take as he grabs the phone. Steve would laugh if he weren’t planning bloody murder. He's pretty sure Wade is turning quite pale under that mask now. Wade is definitely freaking out, because he definitely recognizes the person in the contact photo. There are two people. One is obviously Tony Stark, but it's sort of hard to miss the genius, even if he is wearing a dirty tank top and ripped jeans covered in engine grease. No, it's the other person that has Wade fearing his life now. Those are the same brown eyes from last night, same black glasses and same smile. He's dressed in a worn set of clothes too, but he's not as messy as Tony.

"So… I forgot you have a son," Wade chuckles, setting the phone back onto the counter and backing away. Steve stands up, with more grace than his large frame should allow, but it's deadly and Wade knows better than to turn his back on Steve again. "So, I am going to leave, quickly. Very quickly. Um. Good talk," Wade says, backing up quicker now that Steve is advancing on him.

"No, no, Wade," Steve says, voice and eyes so cold that Wade is actually scared that his healing factor will not help him now, "I think it's time for me to teach you some manners."

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it... hopefully none of them are out of character
> 
> also... i haev no idea why wade is talking to steve about this stuff, but i want to beleive becasue he likes seeing steve get his star spangled underoos in a twist haha


End file.
